Children of the Kelvin
by gwenn0
Summary: Attending to the yearly ceremonies to observe the USS Kelvin was a personal tradition to Jim Kirk, and he knows his life wasn’t the only one forever changed by that tragedy. Genfic, not a romance.
1. past

_Title:_ Children of the Kelvin  
_Summary__:_ Jim Kirk's life wasn't the only one forever changed by the destruction of the USS Kelvin.  
_Word Count:_ 2,890  
_Date: _June 22nd, 2009  
_Author's Notes:_ This not beta-ed, so feel free to point at any errors you find.  
_Disclaimer:_ I own nothing or no one. Kirk's been following me around by his own will, I'm not forcing him into anything.

-

Jim knew by heart the name of all of those who died during the attack on the USS Kelvin. He'd been to every single one of the yearly ceremonies held at the Starfleet Head Quarters in San Francisco to observe the tragedy. Being the offspring of one of the heroes of that battle meant he and Sam had a special place at the front row, where they could see everything - and be seen by everyone. His mother was never present for those ceremonies; in fact, she was never on Earth during that time of the year, and Jim knew even from an early age that it was no coincidence. His grandfather Tiberius, though, always showed up to take the boys to San Francisco. He believed it was their duty to honor their fallen hero father.

-

By the time he was six, all the children Jim and Sam had seen during those ceremonies were already teenagers, so it called Jim's attention when he saw a girl maybe a little older than him sitting in the front row reserved for the families of the lost crew. She sat beside an old bald man, and Jim couldn't help but keep glancing at her during the whole ceremony. She had long straight dark hair, and her dark eyes seemed lost as they tried to follow what was going on around them, as if she couldn't understand why she was there. Jim briefly wondered if that's what he looked like during those rites. He never really understood why it was so important for people to remind him year after year of his pain and of the things he'd lost before he even had a chance to have them.

Once the service was over, Jim's grandfather took Sam by the hand and went to talk with some old acquaintances, and Jim took the chance to walk around on his own. He scanned the place looking for the girl, and found her sitting alone at the same spot, staring into nothing. Slowly, Jim made his way towards the girl and sat beside her. She didn't say or do anything for a while, and they just sat there in companionable silence until she finally turned her face to look at him. When her dark eyes met his blue ones, Jim felt like oddly staring into a mirror of his own emotions. Not knowing what else to do, he blinked and introduced himself.

"My name is James Tiberius Kirk."

She nodded and said "I'm Anissa Kerry Robau."

She broke eye contact with him and turned to stare ahead again. Jim followed her gaze and let his mind wonder as he blankly stared into the Starfleet Logo. She didn't say anything else. And Jim knew she didn't have to.

-

It became a yearly routine for Jim. After every observance, he would look for Anissa, and they would sit together. At first, they didn't talk much but, with time, Jim figured out she was the one person who wouldn't look at him as the _orphan son of the hero Lieutenant George Kirk_ - because she hated when people referred to her as the _poor daughter of the brave Captain Robau_.

-

When he was nine, she was the one who broke the silence, but it was so quietly Jim almost missed it.

"Do you celebrate your birthday?"

"No."

She accepted his answer and remained silent for a moment. Then she added even quieter than the first time.

"Would you like to?"

He looked at her genuinely surprised. Nobody had ever asked him that before. Jim stared into her dark eyes for a moment, as if trying to find his answer there, and then finally sighed.

"Nah…"

She raised an interested eyebrow at him. "Why not?"

He shrugged, trying to put into words something he'd felt his entire life, but got nothing.

"It wouldn't feel right, I guess…"

She nodded in understanding, and they sat in silence for the rest of the evening. But when it was time for her to go, she did give him a quick kiss on the cheek and winked at him.

"I heard my dad used to say that hope is born from despair. Maybe you're it."

-

"I hate that". Jim said to her one day when he was twelve. She looked puzzled at him.

"What part, exactly?"

"I hate that you and I are never going to be just you and I. We'll always be their children first."

She nodded and looked ahead. "Yeah, I know. It's not fair."

Jim remained silent for a moment, then turned to her and asked.

"Do you think about him?"

She shook her head. "No…" She closed her eyes and sighed. "But… I think about the Kelvin."

"Why?" Jim tilted his head and stared at her with a raised eyebrow, but she remained with her eyes closed.

"I don't know… And that hurts. Nobody knows who or why…"

Jim nodded and silently reached out to squeeze her hand. Nightmares were scarier when you couldn't see their faces.

-

At the age of sixteen, with his grandfather dead, his brother gone, his mother off-planet and his stepfather not giving a damn, Jim decided to go from Iowa to San Francisco on his own bike. When he arrived to the great hall, the ceremony was already over, and Anissa was sitting alone in her usual spot. She was staring into the Starfleet logo, and didn't seem to notice when Jim sat beside her. He rested an arm behind her chair and raised a playful eyebrow at her, whispering to her ear.

"Waiting for me?"

Blinking, she smiled and turned to face him. "What can I say, I'm a sucker for tradition!"

Jim tried to give her a genuine smile, but winced when his swollen cut lip started bleeding again. Anissa reached out a hand to touch his lip, and raised an eyebrow at him.

"Is that why you're late?"

Had it been anyone else, Jim would have flinched at those words and tried to put some distance between them. But he knew her tone was purely curious and not judgmental. He'd learned not long ago that Anissa had her own self-destructive side to deal with. He smiled openly and winked at her. She gave a small laugh and shook her head, patting her hand on his knee.

"That's my boy."

-

When Jim was 18, he found Anissa wearing a Starfleet Academy uniform during the observance. After the ceremony, he sat beside her and asked her quietly.

"Are you doing it for him or for yourself?"

"I don't know."

Jim raised an eyebrow at her, and she gave him a sad smile before looking down.

"It sucks, doesn't it?"

Jim smiled at her gently and nodded, passing an arm around her shoulder and bringing her closer so she could rest her head on his shoulder. He wasn't sure how deeply his dead father influenced his actions either.

"Yeah, it sucks."

-

Jim was twenty-one the first time he saw Anissa crying during the observance, and it took all the self-control he didn't have not to rush to her side in the middle of the ceremony. Once it was over, he was with her in no time, taking her by the hand and leading her outside. They found a quiet spot under a tree in the gardens, and Jim held her to him, whispering soothing nonsense to her hair and running a gentle hand up and down her back as she sobbed on his shoulder. It was all he could do at the moment, and that made Jim feel useless. Anissa had always been strong in her way to deal with all the emotional baggage those ceremonials carried to them, and even though they'd only seen each other under those circumstances, Jim was sure he could say he knew her better than most, like she knew him in ways no one else did. They confided in each other with things they knew no one else would understand - they were, after all, the only orphan children of the USS Kelvin. Sam, like the rest of the children of the fallen crew, had spent enough time around their father to actually remember him. But Jim had been born in the middle of that tragedy, and Anissa had never met her father either. Captain Robau had been off-planet when she was born, and he hadn't made to her first birthday as he had promised. She had been fourteen months old when the Kelvin was attacked.

When Anissa's sobs grew quieter, Jim thought she had fallen asleep, but she gently untangled herself from his embrace, putting just enough distance between them so she could see his face, but never completely breaking contact. Jim gave her a supportive smile, but didn't say anything. He watched as her eyes scanned his face, most likely looking for any signs of pity, something he knew she hated to see in people's eyes when they talked to the _poor daughter of the brave Captain Robau_. Finding none of that in Jim's blue eyes, she sighed and allowed her body to relax into his arms again. Her voice was quiet, but steady.

"Do you think about what your life would have been if your father was alive?"

Jim closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Yeah, every day. You?"

She sighed against his chest. "I don't like to, but it's hard to avoid it here in the Academy…"

She straightened herself out and sat beside him, her eyes staring off into space. Jim kept a hand on her back, absently drawing random patterns with his fingers as he tried to offer her some comfort. When she spoke again, her voice was shallow, and Jim could almost touch her pain.

"I am who I am because he's dead. I do my best to be the best so I can stand on my own, away from his shadow… If he was alive, I wouldn't have to try to escape from his legacy… If he was alive…" She swallowed hard, and Jim knew what was coming. "If he was alive, I wouldn't be this good, I'd probably not even bother trying…"

She closed her eyes and Jim could see she was trying to fight back the tears. He placed a hand around her shoulder and brought her closer to him again, holding her tight to himself. Jim knew he was down on a dangerous road in his search for himself, so it was easy for him to think he would give up his shitty life to have his father back if he had a chance. He had absolutely no doubt his life would have been a million times better if his father had survived. Anissa on the other hand, had had a tough but decent life, and the path she had chosen to dissociate her image from her father's had actually led her to great accomplishments. But he knew that, just like him, she would give it all up in a heartbeat to have him by her side.

"If your father was alive, you'd make him proud because you would love him as much as you do."

She relaxed a bit in his arms, and Jim took comfort in hoping those words were true for him as well.

-

In Jim's first year at the Academy, Bones had offered to keep him company during the ceremony, but Jim had dismissed him with a smile and a lame excuse. He wasn't ready to have these two sides of his life mixed just yet. It was hard enough having everyone at the Academy wondering about George Kirk's son, he didn't need his friend to see him actually playing that role. Besides, he knew he had someone waiting for him.

As usual, Anissa remained in her seat after the end of the ceremony. She wore her ceremonial Lieutenant uniform, and Jim was sorry she'd graduated as a diplomatic officer a couple of days before he'd enlisted. He'd have enjoyed being there for her - thinking about it, he would have loved even more if he had been her classmate. It would have been interesting being around her other than in those ceremonials.

She noticed him as he made his way towards her, and he could see a hint of pride flashing in her dark eyes as she took in the sight of him in a Starfleet Cadet uniform. He stopped in front of her and gave her a short salute.

"Lieutenant."

She stood up and straightened her face, trying to hide her smile.

"Cadet." She winked at him, and Jim opened his arms to receive her in his embrace. She rested her head on his shoulder and let out a content sigh.

"They're proud of us, right?"

Jim closed his eyes and kissed the top of her head. He wouldn't admit it out loud to anyone else, but ever since he joined Starfleet, everything he did was to honor his father.

"Yeah, they are."

-

It was quiet and dark on the bridge of the Enterprise. The ship had been badly damaged in the battle against the Narada, and it was now being fixed in a space dock on Earth's orbit. The crew of the Enterprise was on a deserved shore leave until the ship was ready to see action again, so only few of them could be seen around her corridors. Jim was sitting alone in the bridge, staring off into space as he tried one more time to make sense of everything that had happened recently. He had defeated the man who had killed his father and destroyed Vulcan, and now he was the captain of the Starfleet flag ship. It was a lot to take in. He heard the turbolift door opening and turned to see Anissa quietly entering the bridge.

"Lieutenant Anissa K. Robau asking permission to come aboard, sir."

He smiled tiredly at her. "Permission granted, Lieutenant."

She stared at him intently, and for the first time in all the years they had known each other, Jim was having a hard time reading her dark eyes. After what seemed like an eternity, she broke her gaze and stared off into the view window.

"I received your message…"

Jim closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He had sent her a copy of his report to Starfleet, with all the details of what had happened and the relation between the destruction of Vulcan and the attack on the USS Kelvin. He knew most of it would never become public knowledge, but he figured Anissa had as much right to know the truth as he did.

"Are you alright?"

She raised an eyebrow at his question and gave a small laugh that came out almost like a sob.

"Are you?"

He couldn't help the small smile that formed on his lips. "Point."

Sighing, Jim pressed a couple of buttons on the console of his chair, and a recording of Nero's last threats started playing on the screen of the bridge. He kept his eyes trained on Anissa as she watched the recording, but again he couldn't read her. When it was over, her voice was almost a whisper.

"Is that him?" She turned around so she was fully facing Jim. "Is that the man who killed my father and destroyed the Kelvin and Vulcan?"

Jim nodded and she closed her eyes. He could see her body starting to tremble and thought about going to her, but he knew this was something she had to do on her own. She knew he was there if she needed, anyways. She took a deep breath to control herself, and looked at the face on the screen again.

"I've always thought it would be easier if I had a face to blame…"

"But it isn't, is it?" Jim's voice was as low as hers, and she closed her eyes.

"No, it isn't… Does it make it easier for you knowing you're the one who defeated him?"

Jim shook his head tiredly and pinched the bridge of his nose. "No, that doesn't help either… But at least now we know."

"Yeah, now we do…" She locked eyes with him and Jim finally understood why he couldn't read her tonight. He couldn't really understand what he himself was feeling, and all he could see in her eyes was a mirror of his own emotions, as it had been the first time his blue eyes stared into those dark ones. He broke eye contact with her and looked at Nero's face on screen. Millions of _what if_ scenarios were playing in his head, and none of them could ever be because of that particularly troubled Romulan. He was so lost in his thoughts he only noticed Anissa had covered the distance between them when she touched his hand. Without looking at her, he swirled her around and brought her to his embrace. As usual, she didn't resist him, taking as much comfort from him as she could, and returning it with all the intensity she was able to muster.

"Do you think now we can find some peace?"

Jim closed his eyes and pondered her words. Some peace would be good, and God only knew how much they deserved it. Kissing the top of her head, Jim squeezed her a little tighter.

"I hope so."


	2. present & future

Thank you for all the kind reviews!  
I wasn't planning on keep going with the story, but this one just popped into my head. I believe this time it's over for real, though. =)  
_Author's Notes:_ This not beta-ed, so feel free to point at any errors you find.  
_Disclaimer:_ I own nothing or no one. Kirk's been following me around by his own will, I'm not forcing him into anything.

-

The yearly observance of the Kelvin at the Starfleet Headquarters in San Francisco was more than a personal tradition to Jim Kirk. He'd been to every single one of those ceremonies, even the ones he'd been too young to remember, and they'd all been the same. He would sit at the front row reserved for the families of the fallen crew members - first with his grandfather and his brother, then only with his grandfather, and ever since he was sixteen, alone - and allow Starfleet to parade his pain as the main symbol of the sacrifice his father had made, a sacrifice that should always be honored and never forgotten.

This year, though, things were different. He was placed in a different tribune, and did not sit there as George Kirk's son. He sat beside his crew as the Starfleet Flag Ship Captain, as the hero who had saved Earth and finally brought light and justice to the tragedy of the Kelvin. This was the first observance of the Kelvin after the Narada had been destructed and Jim had been named captain of the Enterprise. This was also, by Starfleet Command decision, the last time the attack on the Kelvin would be observed as an independent ceremony. After this, the fallen members of the Kelvin would be honored in the same ceremony that would start to be held in Vulcan's honor, given that the two tragedies were related. And Jim wasn't sure how he felt about it.

He rationally understood that things were different now, and that the lost of Vulcan was infinitely bigger than the lost of the Kelvin. He could understand that there was no point in holding two different ceremonies for things caused by the same enemy for the very same reason - they were in reality two acts of the same tragedy. Jim could understand those things, and every other reason he'd been given for such decision. What Jim could not understand nor accept was that, this time, instead of honoring his heroic father, Starfleet was honoring him. _Him_. Today he was not James Tiberius Kirk, son of Lieutenant George Kirk, but Captain James T. Kirk, of the USS Enterprise. He had been chosen to replace his father as a Starfleet hero. And it felt wrong to him in so many levels Jim didn't even know where to start. Things may have changed around him, but that didn't mean he had to agree with them. He still felt like the fatherless boy sitting there so everyone could value the magnitude of George Kirk's sacrifice.

It felt strange for him to be sitting in a different place from the one he was used to, and with his crewmates, his friends, beside him. He had never allowed any of his friends to accompany him in those ceremonies, not even Bones, and now they were all there. People he had fought beside, and whose lives were now his responsibility. Spock, Uhura and Checov sat quietly to his left, and to his right Jim could hear Sulu whispering something to Scotty and Bones. He paid no mind to them as his eyes scanned the crowd for the one face he'd learned to associate with these ceremonies: Captain Pierre Robau's daughter. Anissa K. Robau was now a commander of the Starfleet Diplomatic Corp, and Jim considered her to be the only other real orphan child of the Kelvin beside himself.

As he expected, she was sitting in the front row reserved for the family of the fallen crew members, her eyes lost gazing at the Starfleet logo as she always did during those long rites. The familiarity of her look stirred something in him. She looked so much like what he'd learn to expect from her in every single time he'd seen her during those ceremonies that he wondered if it hadn't occurred to her that things were different. Jim sighed. Finding the truth about the attack on the Kelvin had been as hard on her as it had been on him, and Jim was sure she had felt the changes under her own skin. On the other hand, she didn't seem as restless and troubled as he was - shouldn't she be mad at him for taking her father's place? Jim shook his head at the childish of his thoughts, but he couldn't help wondering about how she felt about the whole thing.

With the ceremony just about to start, he made up his mind. He stood up from his place in the tribune specially reserved for the crew of the Enterprise and marched to the area reserved for the families. He could hear Bones and Uhura calling him, and he knew Spock was citing regulations on how he was supposed to sit here and not there, but he ignored them. All that confusion in his head and those weird feelings in his chest were suffocating him, and he desperately wanted to find some normalcy to ground himself. He stopped next to Anissa, and she raised her eyes to meet his. Instead of the confusion and pain he'd expected to find in them, he saw only pride. Anissa was proud of him, and that made him only more confused. He wasn't supposed to be the hero of the day, their fathers were.

Jim broke eye contact and sat on the empty chair next to her, staring into the Starfleet logo. Anissa's gaze followed his eyes and they sat in silence for a moment. When the ceremony started, she reached out a hand and patted his thigh lovingly before letting her hand rest on his knee. Jim passed his arm around her chair and placed his hand on her shoulder. She rested her head on his shoulder and sighed, whispering just to him.

"Weird, huh?" Jim couldn't help the laugh that formed in his throat. Yep, she definitely understood how he felt.

"Tell me about it!" They shared a quiet laugh, then remained in comfortable silence during the whole ceremony, Jim holding Anissa firmly in his arms as she rested a comforting hand on his leg. He could feel his senior officers staring at him with confusion, but he paid no mind to them. He had enough confusion of his own to deal with.

Once the ceremony was over, Jim and Anissa remained in their seats. Jim kept running a hand up and down her arm, and watched as his senior officers passed through him in their way out staring at him suspiciously. Bones raised a questioning eyebrow at him, and Jim answered it with a tired but honest smile. Bones understood he was being dismissed, and only nodded in return. Once everybody was gone, Jim turned to her and voiced the questions that had bugged him during the entire ceremony.

"Aren't you upset?"

He didn't have to explain any further, he was sure she would know what he was talking about. Anissa sighed.

"Not really… I guess it's time for us to find some closure. Maybe this is what we need to move on, you know?"

Jim hadn't thought about it that way. She was better at putting things into perspective than he was, and he'd lived through so many changes in the past few months he wasn't sure if he could - or wanted to - deal with yet another one. She turned her face to him and stared deeply into his eyes before she went on.

"Besides, when or where is not the matter, but how we honor them. And I think we're doing a pretty decent job, aren't we? I mean, look at you!"

Jim could see that pride in her eyes again, and it made him uncomfortable. He understood her reasoning and knew she was probably right, but that wasn't exactly the part that was bothering him. He looked away from her. Could she understand that he felt like he was stealing their fathers' places in history? Despite everything that had happened and how he had proved himself over and over again ever since joining Starfleet, Jim still didn't think of himself as worth being put on the same level as his father. He sighed. This whole thing was a mess in his head.

"Jim?" He looked at Anissa, and saw her staring intently at him, almost as if she was trying to read his mind. That was probably what she was doing, anyways. "That's not what's eating you, is it?"

Jim smiled faintly at her and he shook his head.

"No…" He trailed off and she waited for him to find the right words. "It doesn't feel right. They're placing me beside my dad, beside you dad, as if I was as good as them. I don't think I deserve that. It feels like I'm stealing their place or something… It's like I'm cheating my way through history." Jim looked back at her, and she was smiling tenderly at him.

"You _are_ a cheater."

"Anie…" Jim started to protest but she brought a finger to his mouth and cut him off.

"I have seen you cheating your way through life, beating all the odds and becoming a great man. That's part of who you are." She moved her hand to cup his face. "I cannot say I'm happy that my father is not the hero of the day anymore, but I know his sacrifice won't be forgotten. My dad has his place, and you have earned yours. And I'm proud of you for that." Running a thumb gently over his cheek, she held his gaze solemnly for a moment before continuing. "The Kelvin may have taken away my father, but it gave me a brother."

Jim stared at her intently, a myriad of emotions swimming in his chest, and he was startled to realize how deeply he returned the feelings she had just expressed. A familiar presence behind him brought Jim back from his reveries, and he broke eye contact with Anissa to turn and face Spock as her hand fell to his lap. The Vulcan gave his captain a short nod and spoke quietly in an emotionless tone.

"Captain, your crew waits for you outside. They would like to know if they are dismissed for the evening."

Jim blinked. He'd completely forgotten this had been an official event for his crew, so they actually needed his permission to leave. Running a hand through his face to recompose himself, he sighed.

"Yeah, Spock. You're all dismissed. Sorry to keep you waiting."

Spock nodded again and was turning to leave when Anissa's voice stopped him.

"Wait!" Both Spock and Jim turned to her with raised eyebrows, and Anissa raised an eyebrow back at Jim, amusement written all over her beautiful face. "Aren't you going to introduce me to your crew?"

Jim shared a quick look with Spock, then turned back to Anissa. She was smiling at him so brightly he knew she _had_ to be up to something. Jim narrowed his eyes at her a little, but instead of finding out what she was planning, the only thing he got from her was a wink. He raised a playful eyebrow at her.

"Do I wanna know what is going on in this pretty head of yours?"

She looked briefly at Spock then locked her eyes with Jim again, the devilish grin on her face letting him know he was in for big trouble.

"I heard rumors around the Diplomatic Corp about how a little Romulan ale can turn any diplomatic meeting involving the Enterprise crew into a kick ass party."

Jim finally realized what she had in mind, and he smirked. He could already imagine his crew's reaction when Anissa drank both Bones and Scotty under the table. Spock's face alone should be totally worth it. He raised an eyebrow and his grin grew to match hers.

"Party? You wanna party with my crew?"

Grin firm in place, Anissa winked at him. "Hey, it's your birthday, isn't it?"

Jim sobered up a little after her comment but, before he could protest, she raised a finger to his lips then ran a hand through his face, cupping his cheek. She spoke quietly, but her tone left no margin for doubts.

"The fallen fathers have been mourned enough, and they'll always be remembered. Now it's time to start celebrating the rising children."

The intensity of the emotion in her eyes was enough to silence and convince Jim, so he only nodded. Anissa smiled brightly at him and kissed his cheek before standing up. She took his hands and brought him up, then turned to Spock, who had watched the whole exchange silently.

"Very well Mr. Spock, lead the way. I'm eager to meet Lieutenant Uhura!"

Spock tilted his head and raised an eyebrow at Anissa.

"I'm surprised you have heard of the Lieutenant, Commander Robau."

Anissa looked mischievously at Jim, then turned to Spock and smirked.

"All I know about her is that it took Jim three years to figure out her first name, and that only happened because he never learned not to overhear other people's conversations. Though I must say that's enough information to know I'm gonna like her"

Spock shot her what Jim had come to recognize as an amused look, and Anissa laughed at the Vulcan's reaction. Jim shook his head and laughed softly, his hand resting on the small of her back as he led her outside. There was no way he was going to say no to her. Not today, anyways.


End file.
